Saving Graces

new mercies each and every day

I’ll wait for you…

Oct
10

There is this very talented artist by the name of Janette-Ikz ok I’m not sure if that’s her name because there are a lot of alliterations of her name “Mysterious Genetics = MissTerious Janette-Ikz” and her poem “I will wait for you” is phenomenal… I am going to learn it to use for our TOB rallies, talks and retreats because it is so powerful… all credit to Janette-Ikz of course  and the good Lord for blessing her with such awesome talent (words below ht)

I WILL WAIT FOR YOU” BY JANETTE IKZ

So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him.
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, & a thief. So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!
I was gonna make him ‘The One’
You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time,
So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.
He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arties so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He sawed,
Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
To transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!
So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for You.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
Cause in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to,
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know You..
You were already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.
I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know….
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held
Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks & buying drinks,
I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of,
‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’
NO more.
I’ll stay in my bed alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close,
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.
I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him,
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…
So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sara
Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.
And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.
But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest story ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning
More than the watchmen wait for the morning…
I will wait.

My soul proclaims

Feb
18

M soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord!!! There is this beautiful site called mysoulproclaims.com, which is like a video blog of the vocations within the Catholic church, and I chose the one on marriage first of course.

I want a Joseph

Oct
28

I was just reading posts on Facebook and I came across one that was interesting. As single young catholics, we are encouraged to discern our vocation, our purpose in life and God’s will. YAY… if only it was as easy as writing this post. I tell you now it is not. Anyway I am leaning towards my vocation being married life and all. There was a time I was scared it was religious life. Scared you ask? Thing is it was scary thinking about the commitment required, the sacrifice, the obstacles. But after some Theology of the Body I am actually OK with it. I have actually explored it and now I am at peace in that today I feel God’s call to me to be a wife and mother, if tomorrow that call changes I will be happy with it and say servium for it will be God’s will. I live to serve Him as best as I can in my current space and all to His greater glory.

What does that have to do with me wanting a Joseph?  To get the right man whom I may marry and fulfil the vocation of marriage with, I have to know to recognise said right man, and what the ‘right man ‘ is. I don’t believe that there is only ONE right man out there for me and that only by cosmic fate will we meet and have a grand life and 12 babies. I give God more credit than that. God knows the right man for me at any particular time and according to His will we will meet and marry, so any man ordained so by God will be right for me. So I ask “God, tell me of this man so when he finds me I will recognize him” and today I got an answer. A Joseph. No, I don’t mean I have had a vision of him or anything, his name will not necessarily be Joseph, although it is a strong and dependable name. I digress. But he will be a man with the characteristics of Joseph the husband of Mary.

By all rights, Mary should have been stoned to death. Honestly, a girl pregnant out of wedlock in those times was beyond the height of shame, hey these guys threw out their blind and lame for to them disability was an affliction of the highest order from God because of grave sin. Pregnancy out of wedlock meant adultery, adultery meant death. But did Joseph get her stoned? No he was agonizing on how to divorce Mary quietly so that she would be spared death. That is either a man in love or a ‘just’ man. How would getting her killed better the world?

I see him as a man who was in despair wondering what to do and then the angel came to him.  Oh boy must he have been relieved! But what strikes me more is he ran to obey the will of God. Mary was pregnant before he had gone to take her as his bride. Betrothal was a binding marriage contract only broken by divorce. It was an unconsummated marriage if you will. So people probably speculated and frowned upon them for ‘having gotten pregnant’ before the final marriage bit, but he did not care. He obeyed God. He sought to protect Mary before she was fully his, he sought to protect her.

He offered her kindness and love and cared for her and the baby, he was her defender. Even when they were to flee to Egypt after Jesus birth, he did so leaving country, family and friends. He sacrificed all. And later on to Nazareth as well.  A man who listened to God to defend and protect his family. A most chaste spouse. One who reared Jesus in a holy family. Who taught his son the trade of being a carpenter, one who was worthy to be called father by Jesus.  A just man. A man who took his family to worship and followed the law. A man of faith, obedient to whatever God asked of him without knowing the outcome, a very godly man who had a great belief and trust in God.

Ahhh the stuff of romance novels is our Joseph 😀

So yeah I want a Joseph, with a dash of Joshua, Jacob, Caleb thrown in for good measure. A mighty man of God. A just man.

Now I’m off to go try and be a Mary so Joseph can find me!

I’m back! Home was a blast

Oct
05

Home was grand I had so much fun! I saw gran, ma, Del-del, Evee, and everyone.

The trip took forever because the bus DIED, the Greyhound just started boiling and here we are in the middle of nowhere about 65km from Masvingo that means at least 4 hours till we get home and the BUS BREAKS DOWN. Aaarrrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I only got home at about 23:30hrs after hitch-hiking in a truck because I had gotten tired of waiting! The bus’s schedule was that it was to arrive in Harare after 12. That never happens but 3pm is a happy compromise, right? HA did not happen!

Anyway got home saw mom, went to bed woke up early to unpack all my gifts. Such fun the sweets disappeared just like that! got into my new summer dress went and got my hair plaited; not the fiasco I had with the lady and guy who gave me chemical burn with the relaxer at Northgate grr. If it wasn’t for my neighbour who lifted me out of the doldrums just by helping me with my groceries home and by just being her, I would have finished committing mass homicide in my head on all the hairdressers in that salon. I digress. Anyway my neighbour is gone, she moved before I could bake for her 🙁 boo hoo she seemed so nice. The joys of apartment living. I digress again. As I was getting my hair plaited we got to talking about marriage; funny how that topic seems to keep coming up and then the girl who was doing my nails wants to hook me up with her cousin of sorts so he comes in and wants to check me out… ooo if I was white I would have turned beet it was so embarrassing anyway he gives me his number, he is Catholic, though a bit on the older side. And they make me leave mine behind. Wonder if he will call because I don’t call guys… mmm.

I visited my former workplace and saw former colleagues which kinda cool. I gave my aunts the gifts I had gotten them. The next day my grandma and more aunts arrived it was grand. I seem top have matured a bit more in their esteem yay! and Gogo (gran) was ecstatic over her blanket and shoes and the doek (head scarf thing) which I got her!!! Saturday I spent mostly at home and went and dance steps i.e the dance routines for the bridal party coz the grooms-men were absent for practice, went home and lazed with ma.

On Sunday got up went to church in my new African outfit, head covered of course. It was a blast meeting everyone, sang in the choir, ah how I miss Sonah sometimes… saw Taf in his ‘deacon’ clothes which my mom and half the neighbourhood think is satanic. Can’t blame them he ain’t a deacon and he wears black flowing robes. Then he comes over to my house chats a bit and asks where I have been all his life..mmm. And I go home prepare lunch and stuff for the mothers that’s gogo and my mum and her sisters. I drove over to my cousin’s place do the bride’s maids and brides make-up change into my other new African attire drive like a maniac back home because my mom is freaking out for she baked the cake and it has to go to the venue and I have her car.

We get to the wedding and finishing putting on my contacts and shoes and make-up in the bathroom, go greet everyone and take photos for mom and dance steps which I learnt the day before because they were a grooms-man short! I help collect gifts and write them down, snap the band on my shoe go home with my feet killing me and give the shoes to Del-del. All in all a good weekend!

I did learn something though, the family you marry into matters!!!! ‘nuf said!

When I get married…

Aug
24


…besides a having a blue and ivory wedding… and after I have kids…. I want a house with a schoolroom. Why? coz I intend on homeschooling… it’s always been on my mind but I get more and more convicted of it. The reasons are too wide and varied bit I come closer and closer to the fact that this is what I desire.Aand not just to be counter culture of course… although that is always a pro with me 😀

I am worth a lot

Jul
30

So got this in an email from Nyashmi and loved it to bits so here it is:


In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question……

“What kind of man are you looking for?”

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking,
“Do you really want to know?”

Reluctantly, he said,
“Yes.”

She began to expound…

“As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself. I pay my own bills I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, “What can you bring to the table?”

The man looked at her. Clearly, he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, ” I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.” I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked… believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive. He just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.
He said, “You’re asking a lot.”

She replied, “I’m worth a lot.”

Hidden in Christ

Jun
12

Our household has embarked on saying a novena, for our future spouses no less and it’s been 11 days. I know 11 is more than 9 but we skipped a day in between and hence started over. What I find striking is that when we started it I was doing because I know I am to pray for my future spouse and all, though not necessarily wanting one at the moment. But as the week has progressed I’ve begun to wish for the vocation marriage more… mmm.

And then i received this from a friends email… and the first line was what I found fascinating. I thus plan on hiding myself in Christ and the devout catholic man I desire will find me!

‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.’

When I say…. ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not shouting ‘I’m clean living,’
I’m whispering ‘I was lost, Now I’m found and forgiven.’

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide..

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not bragging of success
I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I still feel the sting of pain…
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say… ‘I am a Christian’ I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does… But beautiful is just plain beautiful!

Dating and being a 21st century christian

Nov
06

date photoSo here I am, worried… yes worried about people close to me, well about their love lives. None of my business? I don’t think so, it is my business to try and make sure my loved ones and neighbours (whom if I love are also my loved ones :D) don’t get off the straight and narrow. Truth be told there ain’t much I can actually do to get them to change their minds but I can try ha?

So sent an email along this gist… just hoping they actually read all this… or any of it… so I told them I was praying that the Lord leads and guides them… and to get a copy of Playing God by Michelle McKinney Hammond… what can I say, it’s real………

Don’t fall into missionary dating, it just ain’t the way to go. wait on the Lord 😀

Why now? Why bring this up now whenI’vee never really said anything before well I have but not along these lines and ’tis not like I have the best track record… lets says have been convicted by the HS to do so… and I’ve been reading a lot on dating and courtship and lets just say I wish the dating morals of people would go back a couple of centuries, well not all of them but most…

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”2.Cor:6.14-18.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain” (Psalm 127:1)

The thing you should want most is God’s kingdom and doing what God wants. Then all these other things you need will be given to you (Matthew 6:33).

It may seem sometimes that you are alone. You are not! Keep your Faith in Christ and the Power of the Cross. Even though as a human we want to try to fix things by self. You can’t. 1 Peter 4;12-13 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you as though some strange thing happened unto you. But rejoice inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that when His Glory shall be revealed you may be glad also with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the Name of Christ, happy are you for the Spirit of Glory and of God rests upon you.

So what’s wrong with missionary dating? Read this, do read it please, else I’ll come bonk you on the head with a wok!

Letter to my future husband

Nov
04

So I found this letter to a future husband at  ChastityCall.org which I though apt.. and then I tweaked it a tad for me 😀

To my future husband,

It is important for me to write to you now, even before we know each other, because there is still time for both of us to think about our future and to make wise decisions. There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to share my dreams with you. I want to trust you to listen and to care about what I say, to be interested in me as I am in you, for me to matter to you as you do to me. When I think about getting married, I think about much more than just the wedding dress, bridesmaids, flowers, invitations and parties, though I do that a lot so I hope you’ll like blue…

To me, getting married means sharing the rest of my life with you. Growing old together – ’til death do us part – with a lot of living in between! It means growing and changing and living through the good times as well as the bad. It means loving each other when it is difficult. I look forward to a happy life with you and our children, but I’m not so unrealistic that I think we won’t have any problems or difficulties (especially considering the number of kids we want to have… cheaper by the dozen won’t have anything on us!). Those will be the growing times when our love and commitment will be tested, and we will emerge stronger, wiser and more deeply in love. I know that we need each other to be holy and to become the man and woman God created us to be. God has already chosen us for each other. That is so awesome to me! I can hardly wait to meet you, but I know I have to be patient because it will only happen when it is God’s time for us to come together.

Until then, I can think about you and pray for you and hope that you are thinking about me and praying for me, too. I hope so much that you are waiting for me just as I am waiting for you. I want both of us to do what is right. I want to respect you, and I want you to respect me. I want us to be able to recognize the goodness in each other. I want you to touch my heart with your goodness. A friend told me once that it is necessary to know what is important to me and to have some “major” requirements when it comes to selecting my spouse. That way it will be easier for me to recognize you when we meet.

The “majors” are basically those few character traits that are absolutely essential to me; traits that I just could not compromise on for any reason. I know the most important “major” is that my husband will have to know God, to love Him and to be willing to keep Him first in our lives. I have seen so much joy and happiness in families where God is the center, and now that I am older, I realize how important God is. I want our family to be happy too, and I know we cannot do it without God. I need you to be the head of the household, to be our family priest so please keep yourself centered in God.

The next “Major” would be unselfishness. I’m not perfect in this area either, but I want both of us to be unselfish. We cannot go through life thinking only of ourselves. We have to be willing to make sacrifices for each other and for our children. We have to be willing to love. That’s not always easy, but unless we are committed to a lifetime of loving unselfishly, our marriage will never succeed. We have to be honest too. No marriage can survive without honesty and trust. I know we will spend many hours just talking and learning about each other by sharing our thoughts and our feelings, our hopes, our dreams and our fears. I want us to be very comfortable with each other. I want so much to love you.

And, I want you to love me. I want to be cherished, to be the most important person in your life, to be your most intimate friend. I want to be your wife. I want you tenderness and affection, your kindness and you strength. I want to be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world, and I want to be there when your spirit is crushed. I want to feel protected and secure in your love and to trust you at all times. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to encourage you to stand up for your beliefs and always to do what is right. I want to stand beside you as we go through life together.

Remember, I said the wedding dress is not all that important? Well, the most important thing about the wedding dress is what it represents. The beauty of the white fabric symbolizes the purity of the bride. I want my dress to be that symbol to you. I want to cherish my virginity so that my gift of myself to you will be pure and holy. I want so much for you to do the same for me. The world has cheapened and trivialized our beautiful gift of sexuality. It has ignored its awesome power to unite a man and a woman in marriage and to be the source of their greatest blessings, their children. I don’t want us ever to lose that sense of awe and reverence for this wonderful gift God designed for married couples.

The power of our sexuality is so sacred. It is important to me that you believe that, too. It’s a “major”. We don’t have to make all the mistakes many of our older friends have made. We can have God’s best if we do it His way. So, why in the world am I telling you all of this? Because it’s on my mind. I do think about you a lot. I hope and pray that we will be strong enough to combat the lies the world has told us. The things we do and say today can affect the rest of our lives. We do have to think and to care about the way we live today. You are so important to me. Our future is important to me. Our marriage and our children are important to me. That’s why all of this matters. I want to be your wife, and I want you to be my husband.

Neither of us will ever be the perfect spouse, but we can strive to please God and to do His will. By doing that now and after we are married, I know we will have the grace we need to help each other and our children get to Heaven. And, after all, that’s really all that matters in the end. So, future husband, I hope this letter makes a difference to you.

I really do exist. Please wait for me. I am waiting for you.